after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
