I swear she didn't look like that last week.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
