I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
