Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
