you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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