chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
