I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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