Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
