I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
