SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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