Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
