Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
