I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
