Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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