So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
