I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
