I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I forget how to act sober
Randomize