Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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