you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
