Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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