We're facebook friends in real life
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
