Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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