Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
