he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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