I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
