mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize