Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Randomize
