I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
