So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
