Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
