wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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