I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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