either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
