I need to stop coming to work sober
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
