I want to walk on stilts...naked
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
