I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
In America we eat man semen.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
