My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
