Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
