Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
