I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize