They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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