My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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