did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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