So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
