You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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