is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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