Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
as a side note pls kill me
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
