just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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