Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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