Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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