he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
