did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
