his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize