if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
