Please, let me fuck your mom
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
