he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that đ I went with "no"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Liz Cheney wasnât exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying âYAS QUEENâ for in 2021 but here we are
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