It's Friday. Sex?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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