i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
either way he was missing a nipple.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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