I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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