I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
