Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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