My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I showed him my bush... on skype.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
