There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
So here I am, sexting at work.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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