problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
