Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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