You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
