i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
