i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
