So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
