plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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