Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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