1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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