true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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