Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
