you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
