just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
