The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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