so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
