I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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