as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Come see our sink grown plant.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
