We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
