saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
