We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
