the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
